I recently read the book Knowing Your Value: Women, Money and Getting What You’re Worth, by Mika Brzezinski, co-host of Morning Joe TV news show. I rarely read books cover to cover, but this one captivated me from start to finish. It is an empowering collection of interviews and self-reflection of career women and men who have had to struggle to get paid what they are worth.

As a board member of the YWCA Hartford Region, I have learned more about the barriers associated with women’s economic empowerment. The wage gap between men and women remains significant: with women earning approximately 77.4 cents for every dollar men earn in the USA. (check out the stats on http://www.pay-equity.org/) That figure hasn’t changed much in the past 16 years.

Lack of sponsorship, mentors and networks

Towards the end of Brzezinski’s book, she makes the statement that “Lack of sponsorship, mentors and networks: this was a recurring theme in almost all my conversations on the subject of women and compensation.”

I have written about the subject of mentoring, but I have become really intrigued with the concept of sponsorship and sponsoring others in the work place. I will be dedicating a much larger article on this subject on my other web site: MarketingMotivator.net early next month.

Here’s how Brzezinski defines sponsorship:

“A sponsor: someone who is willing to use their own social capital to help pull another up the corporate ladder.”

What is social capital?

I did a quick on-line search of this term and found a graduate student named Tristan Claridge who completed a Masters thesis on social capital theory in 2004 at the University of Queensland in Australia. He created a web site – http://www.socialcapitalresearch.com/ . Broadly, his definition of social capital includes reference to social networks and the productive benefits stemming from them. That sounds like networking to me!

Let me take my stab at defining what social capital is and how to use it to create opportunities for yourself and others.

“Social capital is an intangible but powerful asset that you can create for yourself when you network and build relationships with others in your professional and personal life. The power of your social capital is enhanced when you share and exchange it with others to create mutual benefit. Keeping it all to yourself does you little good.” – Kathy McAfee, America’s Marketing Motivator

Lending Social Capital

The next time you ask someone for an introduction or for a favor, think about it like a banker. You are dealing with a different kind of capital: not money per se but relationship equity. This is tied directly to their reputation – something that has taken a very long time for them to establish and considerable effort to maintain.

• The role of the lender of social capital. You don’t have to accept every request. Assess the risk of the borrower. Understand how they plan to use your social capital and to what end. Ask tons of questions. Assess their character and integrity. Can they be trusted with your asset? Will they represent you well? Be  selective and be very clear about your expectations of usage and repayment with the borrower. When you agree, act swiftly on your offer. Set up the arrangements to transfer the social capital and make the personal introductions. Monitor their progress…

• The role of the borrower of social capital. Know why you want to borrow their social capital and what you plan on doing with it. Make a convincing case that you will protect and honor their social capital and do only good with it. Keep them updated as to the status of your investment of their social capital. Pay it back (or pay it forward as agreed upfront) with plenty of interest and principle. If they decline your request, do not take it personally. Find another source or another way to get what you need.

Your Networking Goal for the Week

Reflect back on the people in your professional life who have lent you their social capital. Perhaps they sponsored you in some way that paved the way for new opportunity and growth in your career.  If so, reach out this week and thank you personally. Let them know what they did for you was significant and greatly appreciated. Time now to pay it forward by helping someone else in a significant way by lending your social capital. Who in your organization or in your network has impressed you? Who do you believe is high potential talent and just needs greater access and resources to realize it? Who could you introduce them to that could create opportunities for them? I want you to think and act like a lender of social capital. Then and only then do you have the right to borrow.

About the writer: Kathy McAfee is known as America’s Marketing Motivator and is author of the book Networking Ahead for Business.  In her role as Executive Presentation Coach and Professional Speaker, Kathy helps her clients to become the recognized leaders in their fields by mastering the art of high engagement presentations, more effective networking and personal marketing. Kathy is a board member of YWCA Hartford Region and an active member of Soroptimist International of the Americas. To learn more about Kathy, visit her web site MarketingMotivator.net.  If you like this tip and want to receive free networking tips on a weekly basis, please sign up at NetworkingAhead.com

“What do you do for a living?” Don’t you just hate that question? It’s so dull and predictable. Worse yet you usually get a title-driven answer that rarely inspires or stimulates interesting conversation.

You ask a straight forward, unimaginative question like “What do you do for a living?” and you might just get a straight-forward, unimaginative response like: “I’m vice president of marketing for XYZ company” or “I’m an attorney.” What’s your response to that? “Well, that’s interesting.” Not really.

Some responses can be total conversation killers such as  “I’m with the IRS” or “I work at the city morgue.”

Or maybe you hit a sensitive nerve without realizing it when you ask this basic assumptive question “What do you do for a living?” to someone who has been out of work for two years, and you get the awkward response:  “I’m unemployed.”

Many of you who have taken my Perfect Your Pitch course know how to avoid this trap by answering the question with your value proposition rather than your job title. But there is another way to engage people in conversation when networking.

Ask more interesting questions

Once you have introduced yourself and the hand shaking is out of the way, try tossing them a creative conversation starter such as:

 ”Who has been a very influential person in your career/work life? How did he/she help you?”

or

“What is one thing that you hope to accomplish this year? Why is that important to you?”

or

“Share a personal goal that most people would be surprised to hear.”

• Click to review a list of 40 sample questions to get the conversation started. These questions can also be used in an ice-breaking exercise with your team. Check it out.

“Tell me two things that I don’t know about you”

That was the curve ball question I unknowingly threw to a woman who I was networking with over the telephone. She worked for a company that I was on my hot prospects list. I would love to have that company as a new client!  A mutual friend had made the warm introduction and paved the way for me to network with her. She had agreed to speak with me over the telephone for twenty minutes, but when we got on the phone I found it difficult to build rapport with her. She seemed like she wanted it to be “all business.” That is until I asked her the odd-ball question “Tell me two things that I don’t know about you.”  The irony is that I didn’t know anything at all about her really, since we had just met.

She responded by telling me that she was a grandmother and started bragging (rightfully so) about her near perfect angel of a grandchild. The mood of the conversation completely changed and became much more human and interesting. As things opened up, she also shared some information about her future plans and I found a way that I could offer help to her. Now we were getting somewhere. Now we are connected.

p.s. I just landed this company as a new client and have my first engagement with them next month. Hurray for networking!

Your Networking Goal for this Week

This week try out one or more of the sample conversation starter questions with someone you are networking with. Be intentional about asking more interesting questions. Make it your goal to gain insight and make a closer connection with people that you meet at networking events, association meetings, at work and in the community. Don’t allow yourself to default to the safe, tried and true, boring small talk about the weather or about work. Strive to get to know people at a deeper, more personal level.  (yes, even in business!) Open-ended, creative and thoughtful questions can be a wonderful tool to enliven the conversation and deepen the connection. It makes networking a whole lot more fun, too!

About the writer: Kathy McAfee is known as America’s Marketing Motivator and is author of the book Networking Ahead for Business. In her role as Executive Presentation Coach and Professional Speaker, Kathy helps her clients to become the recognized leaders in their fields by mastering the art of high engagement presentations, more effective networking and personal marketing. To learn more about Kathy, visit her web site MarketingMotivator.net.  If you like this tip and want to receive free networking tips on a weekly basis, please sign up at NetworkingAhead.com

I had the most amazing three way business lunch last Friday. It was Good Friday and it was good in so many ways. I had taken the opportunity to bring together two professional women who did not know each other and who might be able to do business together in the future. Carol is the director of HR for major Insurance company (note: I am masking her full identity because we didn’t have time to get clearance from her company prior to release of this blog) and Marcia LaReau is founder and president of Forward Motion Careers.

How I met them individually

Marcia LaReau and I met at a workshop that I gave at the Simsbury Public Library a few years back. She was one of the those motivated audience members that sat near the front and engaged with questions. (a real joy for a speaker!). By some measures Marcia and I could be considered competitors; but collaborating with her and getting to know her has been a real treat for me. In my assessment she is a motivated leader and has a brilliant business mind. I learn new things every time I am with her. Once again, I am convinced that it is good business to network and collaborate with your competitors.

I originally met Carol at the Business Women’s Forum conference in Hartford, CT when I gave a workshop on networking in 2009. I saw her again in 2011 at the Connecticut Women’s Hall of Fame induction dinner. Carol had signed up to received my weekly networking tips via email and had been sharing them with her colleagues and friends for the past few months. (the ultimate compliment for a blogger!) Carol then invited me to meet her team and have an exploratory discussion this past December. After meeting with this dynamic, leading edge HR team, I put Carol’s company as one of my top prospects for new business development.

Why bring these two people together?

It may seem a little odd that I would introduce a potential competitor to one of my major prospective companies that I hadn’t even landed yet. The possible risk of lost business occurred to me, but I know the value of connecting people and resources together. It always pays off in the long run.

How I scheduled this three way lunch

This opportunity occurred to me after driving home from lunch with Marcia. I was thinking more about who I knew that she should get to know; and who I knew that Marcia could help. That’s when Carol’s image jumped to mind. I used voice dialing to ring Carol from my smart phone (how smart is that!). I was expecting to get her voice mail and I did. I left her a short message asking if she knew Marcia LaReau and if she didn’t, I recommended that she do so.

When I got home that afternoon, I sent Carol an email follow-up. Look how quickly opportunity materialized with this networking connection:

• March 22, 2012 -I left a voice mail message for Carol mentioning Marcia’s name and suggesting the connection
• 2 hours later – I sent an email to Carol referencing an event that we had both been to two days prior and forwarded Marcia’s contact details:

Hello Carol,
I hope you enjoyed the ywca luncheon. I am still on a high from the day’s event.
I left you a voice mail about a great lady who may be a good resource for you and your team as you develop your career management initiative for your employees. Marcia is especially interested and gifted in helping young professionals. Below are her contact details. Let me know if you want me to introduce you to her. [contact details listed]

• 20 minutes later Carol emailed me back suggesting a three way lunch

Thx. for vm and thinking of me, kathy. Am in a class this week so can’t fully respond on my bb. Would definitely like to meet marcia – in april sometime would be good – working now on selecting career system – later we will get back to other experiences for our employees – that’s where YOU fit in also. Wanna do lunch the three of us?

• 20 minutes later I coordinated my calendar with Marcia’s over email
• 60 minutes after that, I sent Carol a list of dates/time options where Marcia  and I could come downtown to have lunch with her
• 3 hours later Carol confirmed the date and time
• 15 days later the three of us were having lunch together

What happened over lunch

So there I was facilitating this introduction between Carol and Marcia over lunch. I was also continuing to develop my own relationship with both of these dynamic professionals. We met at Carol’s company and had lunch in their cafeteria. The conversation was rich, deep and fascinating. There was no jockeying for position; no sales pitches; no presentations; no overcoming objections. It was just conversation about business issues and opportunities that appealed to all three of us. It was a sharing of knowledge, resources, new and old ideas and inspiring stories from our careers.

It turned out that both Carol and Marcia share a passion for music, conducting, symphonies; and not just watching/listening, but playing and participating. I sat there in the presence of two professional women with high levels of musical intelligence. I didn’t know that had this common ground until I got them together. It was networking magic!

How did this three way lunch benefit me specifically?

Value creation is well under way. Today I had a conference call with Carol and her boss about a possible first engagement project with her company in the next 4 weeks. Later this week, I am meeting with Marcia again to learn more about the Gregorc Style Delineator which she introduced during our three way lunch. New learning, new business development, closer connections, mutually beneficial relationships. I’d say that I stand to benefit a great deal from facilitating this three way lunch.

In what situations might you consider scheduling your own three way lunch?

There are occasions when you might want to add a three way lunch to your networking mix. Here are eight ideas to get you thinking…

1. Schedule a three way lunch if someone you want to meet is giving you the run-around, invite someone who you know, that they need to know, with you to lunch.  Call your contact and invite them again.  You will build instant rapport and credibility with both parties. (excerpt from Jeffrey Gitomer’s Tips on Personal Branding, as reported by Jessica Miller-Merrell)
2. Schedule a three way lunch if you want to introduce two power players and you want to be there to ensure that it goes well;
3. Schedule a three way lunch to introduce a high potential talented person in your organization to a person of influence inside or outside your company. Your presence will help to pave the way for his/her career advancement;
4. Schedule a three way lunch when you want to introduce a referral partner to one of your clients or colleagues and your in-person endorsement would add credibility and value to the introduction;
5. Schedule a three way lunch if you want to capitalize on the brain power of two extraordinary people to generate new ideas in a relaxed, casual environment (not in an office setting);
6. Schedule a three way lunch when you want to extend the value for one of your Top 50 Contacts by connecting them to other influential people that you know;
7. Schedule a three way lunch when you need more efficiency and dynamism in your face to face networking meetings;
8. Schedule a three way lunch just to see how one works!

p.s. you can post other occasions where three way lunches are ideal for business networking on our facebook page

Your Networking Tip for the Week

This week, think of two people in your network who don’t yet know each other but should. Invite them to join you for a three way lunch for networking purposes. Before you reach out and invite them, be clear on your intentions. Jot down your business goals and desired outcomes from this networking lunch. What’s in it for you? What’s in it for them? Why do you want to bring these two people together with you? Whenever you invite multiple people together in networking, you must always allow room for the unexpected to happen. I call it networking magic.

Now you are ready to pick up the telephone and contact each of your guests to join you for a three way lunch. Coordinate a few open calendar dates with at least one of the two guests. Follow-up with an email of Facebook message with the logistical details. Be sure to offer a few calendar dates and times to reduce the email back and forth game. You as the main host should secure the venue, make the reservation and if possible, ride share with one of them. Touch base a day or two before the lunch to reconfirm it. And make sure that you, as the host, show up. It is bad etiquette for the host to cancel. Also decide and communicate ahead of time if you are treating them to lunch or if each person is responsible for paying their own way.

After your three way lunch, follow up and express your gratitude to both parties. Action any items that you promised over lunch. A handwritten card sent to each contact will earn you bonus points on the classy networker scale.

Happy networking!

About the writer: Kathy McAfee is known as America’s Marketing Motivator and is author of the book Networking Ahead for Business. In her role as Executive Presentation Coach and Professional Speaker, Kathy helps her clients to become the recognized leaders in their fields by mastering the art of high engagement presentations, more effective networking and personal marketing. To learn more about Kathy, visit her web site MarketingMotivator.net.  If you like this tip and want to receive free networking tips on a weekly basis, please sign up at NetworkingAhead.com